Anxiety & People Pleasing

Do you prioritize others’ needs ahead of your own? Do you feel insecure, worried, unsafe and doubtful when engaging in relationships, even when there is not apparent danger? Are you hyper-aware of what could go wrong?

To take it a step further, perhaps you respond to most requests with “No worries!” when truly, you are feeling exhausted and holding onto resentment because, in truth, it is a massive worry and inconvenience to you. In a similar vain, you might be the friend, partner, or family member who offers, “I’m good with anything, whatever is best for you!”

Listen, as an anxiously attached and people pleasing veteran, I SEE you. I know how exhausted you are. I’ll venture to guess that’s why you’re here, and I am so glad that you are.
Anxiety can manifest in various forms, and one common expression is the tendency to people-please. People-pleasing is often a coping mechanism used to gain approval, avoid conflict, and maintain relationships. While this behavior may stem from good intentions, it can lead to significant emotional distress over time.

What is People-Pleasing?

People-pleasing refers to the habit of prioritizing others’ needs and desires over your own, often at the cost of your well-being. This behavior is often rooted in a fear of negative responses, rejection, or abandonment. Many develop this tendency in childhood - particularly those with childhood trauma - experiencing it as a way to gain acceptance, love, or praise from parents or peers.

How Anxiety Fuels People-Pleasing

For many, anxiety can amplify the need to please others. The fear of disappointing someone or facing confrontation can trigger intense feelings of worry or dread. As a result, they might go to great lengths to keep others happy, avoid disagreements, or suppress their own feelings and opinions. This cycle can create a sense of loss of self and increase feelings of anxiety and resentment.

While it may provide temporary relief from anxiety, people-pleasing can have long-term negative effects, such as burnout, low self-esteem, physical symptoms, stress, and difficulty setting boundaries.

Breaking the Cycle

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Ok Emilee I get it, but what do I do?!” I want you to know that change is possible, but it takes trust in yourself, others, and the process. I will help you uncover the tell-tale signs that you might be people-pleasing, support you in prioritizing your own needs, and guide you in replacing self-critical thoughts with self-compassion. We will dive deep into your past and find out where your people-pleasing tendencies stem from so that you can begin to have a greater sense of self-awareness and compassion for thoughts and behaviors that once kept you safe but are no longer serving you.